ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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