Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
