I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
