I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
