We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I FOUND THE LEGS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
