My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When are your genitals available?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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