Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
