i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
