I got chris browned last night
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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