I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
