Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
