literally had 100 drinks last night.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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