My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
