$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize