so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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