this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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