Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
