i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
