she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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