if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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