I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize