Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
