And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
