I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
