I'm laying in your front yard are you home
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
