I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
