no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
