this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
