Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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