I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
