i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
