Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think a kid would responsible me up
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
