She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
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