i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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