I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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