I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
