he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
