Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
