The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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