When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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