somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
