woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
