what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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