So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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