it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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