yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
