I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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