bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
