dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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