I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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