She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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