Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
