I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
