The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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