the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
