you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
