well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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