No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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