and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
