I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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