That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
