hell yes lets make some ravioli
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
