In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize