ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
