Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
