Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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