i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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