i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
