I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
