don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
